Ruhika, Week 13 - I Wish That You Would...
“I wish that you would stay in my memories… But you showed up today just to ruin things…” (From Conan Gray’s “Memories”)
Memories are cruel. It feels like the best days of your life, you can never seem to recall. You think and ponder and hunt down any detail which can recreate that exact moment, but they elude you. On the other hand, the worst moments of your life linger. They linger long even after the moment is gone, haunting you for minutes, hours, days, weeks, years.
Eventually, you feel you have reached a ceasefire with these memories. Convinced you have moved on, time has done its work, but then you walk into a room and a scent or sound or touch lingers a little too long, and suddenly, you are back in the moment you thought you’d left behind.
From fake friends to corrupt role models, the way someone can take up space in your head when you want nothing more than to forget them is agonizing. The pain is honestly the strangest sort, is it not? Remembering and even missing someone you wish never entered your life in the first place. These memories don’t bring back the past; they take you back into the past, time moving backwards instead of forwards.
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| How confusing time feels when you get caught up thinking of the past. |
The pain of these memories sometimes make me wish I didn’t have them. But when I reach such extremes, I wonder what even is worse—forgetting or remembering? We cling to memories because they are all we have left of something which once was the world. Letting go is like erasing a whole part of your life, even if that part is a wound. Refusing to let go is the number one tendency of hoarders like me. No matter how much we want to, the past can’t just disappear. It stays, woven into us, shaping us into who we are. Once it’s a part of us, it’s inseparable.
So what is worse—forgetting or remembering? Neither. Maybe, it’s accepting. Let the memories exist but come to terms with them, so they can exist without controlling you. Honor what was, but never let it stop you from going forward. Because as painful as it is to leave something behind, there’s something positive ahead that will become a memory too.
Hi Ruhika,
ReplyDeleteYour blog made me reminisce about the worst memories and times that I want to forget but I know will always be with me. I agree with your concluding claim that accepting is the best thing that you can do in this situation; realistically, everyone has their good and bad times but always moves forward with their own lives. I have learned to move on pretty quickly from my embarrassing incidents but find myself surprised after forgetting that some people take longer to move on from bad memories depending on how painful the experience was. In relation to your lasting thought, I always keep in mind that someone cannot be on any lower level than having something bad happening to them and people will always bounce back from unpleasant times. Great blog!
Hi Ruhika! I like how you approached memory from a negative perspective, like the things we can’t help but remember. As someone who was made fun of throughout elementary school, I do so much to avoid seeing my former bullies; even a simple glance triggers bad memories that I forgot I had. Still, I agree with how you mentioned having these recollections is better than forgetting them.
ReplyDeleteBecause we can’t scrub our minds clean, the best we can do is acknowledge the memories and move on—not suppress them (despite that being our first instinct), since they’ll inevitably come back up again. I’d even say we go one step further than acceptance, especially for memories that are embarrassing, sad, or other negative emotions. After we’ve fully healed from those experiences, it’s best to revisit and understand them. Humans are creatures of habit; learning lessons from painful memories will help us break bad patterns.
Hi Ruhika! I immediately thought of Conan Gray’s song when I saw the title of your blog, which I laughed at since you quoted it right at the beginning. Your interpretation of memories really resonated with me, especially how you explained that the worst ones have a way of sticking and the best ones have a way of fading. The concept of memories making you recall the past and leading you into it was such a great way of explaining it. I liked your concept of whether forgetting or remembering is worse, too.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s true that even the memories we want to erase shape us in ways we can’t undo. The way you framed acceptance as the middle ground between both extremes makes a lot of sense. It’s not trying to forget or even holding on too much, but allowing memory to be as it is without letting it control you. Your blog really encompassed the difficulty of memory in such a relatable manner, great blog!
Hi Ruhika! You did mention in your comment for my blog post that my take on memories is the more hopeful version of yours; after reading your blog, I can see what you mean by that.
ReplyDeleteI agree with how you assert that once a memory is “part of us” it becomes “inseparable.” It shouldn’t come to a surprise that I’m defending unpleasant memories here—bad memories are meant to be a part of us, they are meant to define who we are and how we perceive the world around us.
Moreover, memories do nothing but control us. When talking in favor of nurture in the nature versus nurture debate, it’s clear that the environments we grow up in—that is, the memories we create—are what give way to our personalities and responses to certain situations. There’s no leaving behind bad memories, and it’s important to take the past in consideration when moving forward. I counter your Conan Gray quote with a Taylor Swift one: “I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.”
First and foremost, I was captivated by your title and the image you chose! I love how you choose to demonstrate how memories are multifaceted instead of the typical nostalgic and melancholic tone that people tend to employ when discussing memories. Your blog was able to make me remember so many memories while reading it! It made me realize how the bad memories from the past are no longer such a big deal as I felt back then and now I have grown from those experiences despite them not being pleasant ones. In a general sense, I think it is better to remember than forget. Remembering memories enables us to learn to accept something that has happened, whether it is good or bad, and grow from it. It is definitely important and as you have said to come to terms with it without letting it control you.
ReplyDelete